You’ll Never Get It Right
November 10 2023 4 min read
We care A LOT about getting things ‘right’. Maybe a little too much.
Often, what I see in other women in particular, and still catch it in myself from time to time is this need to get it right. To know the way, the map to the destination, the how-to, to the Land of Perfectly Right.
Well, I know I and many of the women in my personal and professional life are done with perfectionism, but are we?
When I hear a client say, “I’m not journaling right.” or “I just want to know the right way to fix this pattern of mine” or “I want the right words so they/she/he hears me and I can stop explaining myself,” I know they’re stuck in an energy straight jacket and all they have access to is their heads.
Their insistent thinking that somewhere out there is THE right way.
The right way to heal and grow.
The right way to launch a new business offer.
The right way to lose weight.
The right way to journal, to create, to invent.
The right way to be happy, on purpose, fulfilled.
And so on and so on.
I call it an energy straitjacket because, I’m sure you can feel it, there is a tightness to this kind of thinking. A holding place of fear - of getting it wrong, of failure, of judgement.
And the straps on that jacket have gotten so tight we can’t even wiggle our way out of the intense squeeze of perfection.
What if there is no right way?
Just like a coach I worked with, Catherine Farquharson, said to me when I told her, “I’m too old, I’ve missed the boat to really soar in my career(s)” and she replied with,
What if there is no boat?
I remember in that moment I was so gobsmacked by her reply, she literally untied the straitjacket straps and freed me by offering me a whole new perspective.
What if there is no boat?
What if I just - if society and family and whomever - just made that sh*t up to keep us small, scared, in disbelief? What if there never even was a boat?
What then could be possible?
So undo the straps and free your arms, your body and your mind and just consider,
What if there is no right way?
Think of this in the context of your personal journey within yourself.
You know, the one that involves healing, building awareness of what has held you back in your life, creating a vision that honours your gifts and what you do want to be experiencing and offering the world in this life. You know, that stuff.
What then could come alive for you just from giving yourself some time to look through that lens?
That tightness we experience about getting things right is really fear.
It’s often a much younger part of us trying to have some say in feeling safe and in control.
But we’re adults now and we can help ourselves to live another way.
Here’s what has helped me untie myself from my old '“get it right” perfectionism story.
I played with the new idea that there was no right.
Instead, I tried on the idea that there was only what is right and true for me.
Of course that means you’re leaning into your truth and that’s going to challenge that perfectionist in you, but if we don’t challenge her, she’s going to stay afraid and get even more tight and you’re going to come to resent this part of you in yourself. We don’t need to go there.
For now, ask yourself these two questions:
Am I willing to try on this new lens?
What could be possible if I played with What is right and true for me in this moment? and the next and the next
You don’t have to be perfect at this. It’s play. It’s leaning in and trying a new perspective. It’s allowing you mind, your nervous system, your body and heart to see what comes.
We are never gonna get it right. There is no right.
There is only and forever what is right and true for you on your journey. And that is something you can feel really good about.
Toss the straitjacket and open your arms wide to what might become possible from here.
I’ll be right beside you.
P.S. Would you be interested in a workshop about this topic of perfectionism?
Jenn
If you want support to untie those straps and free yourself from perfectionism, I can help through my Living Practice Coaching. Book a call with me and we’ll talk.
Photo by Anastasia Chomlack
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