What We See.
Sept 15, 2023 3 min read
A few weeks ago, I have an urge to write to my old therapist whom I hadn’t been in touch with, in years.
The subject line read, ‘What the heck am I up to now?’
I started by thanking her for the work that we did years ago when I was going through my separation and felt utterly lost.
Along with being an invaluable guide to me, she was someone who held a higher vision of me than I could hold for myself. She ‘knew’ I was going to ‘make a difference’ in this world. Man, she was relentless in that belief. I, on the other hand, was not back then.
It’s so precious, isn’t it, to have people in our lives who believe in us when we can’t believe in ourselves?
Back to my email where I laid out all that I’d been ‘up to’ over the last few years.
The following is the abbreviated version for context.
Hello Susan…
I’m coaching women 1:1; helping them reconnect to their truest selves and live their purpose…
I’m leading creative journal groups for women and I have women from other countries joining! …
Soon I’ll be bringing my journal workshops to women in business…
I’m working on leading a Walking with The Elephants tour for women in Thailand for 2024 …
I’ve written a play and it’s being supported by a theatre company here in Toronto, and we may have a director!…
I’ve been accepted into a training programme to become a Death Doula…
And…my mom passed away in May...so…I’m finding my way through that…
I shared a few more personal things and sent her my best wishes.
When I wrote her, those few weeks ago, I was clearly connected to my excitement about all the things I could share, even and including the gifts of my mom passing.
This week, back from her holidays, she replied,
‘Oh my god Jenn, you did it!’
The first thought I had was,
‘Did what?’
Now, let me take you back to this week when I called my best friend and through tears I said,
‘When am I ever going to really soar?’
And like the good friend she’s always been, she reflected back to me how great I’m doing and all that I’m bringing to the world.
But what was I seeing? What was I believing about myself in my life?
Old stuff. Old thoughts. Old beliefs. Viewing life from an old, well worn vantage point.
And by old, I mean that young one who believed that she was not good enough.
I know some (or maybe all) of you know this in yourself.
And it happens when we are feeling particularly vulnerable, and/or life is presenting challenges, you’re experiencing stress, loss, grief. Even being on the cusp of achieving a goal can bring up the old story we have about ourselves.
It’s like looking at our life now with an old set of rose-coloured glasses only the view is not so rosy. In fact, the view is down right grey with a chance of storms ahead.
It’s pretty damn hard to see and feel what others are seeing in you when you’ve got those glasses on. Yet it’s so important that we see ourselves in our truest light.
When I thought, ‘Did what?’ in response to Susan’s email, I caught it.
When I tearily asked my friend, ‘When will I ever soar?’ I caught it again.
The old habit. How it leads us to not believe in ourselves. To invalidate our offerings, our worth. To fall into looking at lack versus life.
Do you feel me? Have you been here? Rhetorical question, I know.
So, we choose.
Believe the old voices as truth, or take the glasses off, step back, maybe cry it out a little, and then begin again.
No surprise here, but I go to my journal. I give a bit of space on the page to what’s going on and then I write to my younger self. Let her know I’m here, she’s safe and she sure as heck is enough.
And then I deliberately take my thoughts in a whole new direction and every time, my body, my energy, my vibe comes with me.
Here’s a prompt I’ve been working with that you’re welcome to try:
When I step back and see how far I’ve come, I see…
Do it for a few days in a row and you’ll be surprised at what you realize is the truth about your own enough-ness.
We’re dealing with a deep and tender place in ourselves, Friends, so we’ve got to give ourselves a little (and a lot) of love when the old stuff comes up.
That’s how we’re going to free ourselves. That’s the way to our truest self.
On the journey with you,
Jenn
There’s still time to join the September Group
~ The Fall Journal Sessions for Women ~
Are you wanting to experience a deeply meaningful journal practice that you love showing up to?
Are you ready for support and encouragement from a community of other like-hearted and minded women
Would you like an enriching, inspiring morning practice that will carry you through these last months of 2023?
Join my community as I lead you through one of the most beautiful inner journey’s with yourself and others through journaling.
September, October, November 2023
Want to learn how to live as your authentic self? How to have more confidence and self-trust? Let’s talk!